This was my second trip to Haiti and the same thing happened. God spoke through the kids that I worked with to reveal more about myself that I had ever imagined. Just as was the case last time I went, I know without a doubt that my place is on the mission field. I don't know where quite yet and while it isn't what I want to do I know that if I am patient God will reveal that in his time as well. This post is about something that I feel will affect all 22 of the people that I had the absolute pleasure of traveling with.
Both times I have traveled I have gotten so jacked up about going to a place and sharing the Gospel and winning all these people to Christ and then writing a book about how everyone else should go to a foreign country, get sick as a dog, but do it for the Lord and just be an all around great person for doing it. Some of that was obviously in jest but the main point is true. Many times we get so amped about traveling x amount of miles to bring glory to the kingdom of God. Something we hardly ever are able to get excited about though is what happens after we get back? Is it not true to say that even if you are red hot for God for 5 days on a mission trip, but ice cold once you get back in the states, you are lukewarm on average. If this is the case, which I believe it is, Revelation 3:15-16 states, "I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." This warning is terrifying but needed. I think a lot of times we get caught up in thinking about how hard it is to go to a place where no one knows us, where we have to take cold showers and deal with heat with no air conditioning, eating food we have no idea of what it is, and getting things stuck in our feet when we are trying to swim. We think all these things are so difficult, but the real difficulty lies ahead of us when we return home. I'm not saying that any of those things are easy, but honestly which would you rather do, sit your best friend or co-worker down who you know does not follow after Christ and have a heart to heart with them over a slice of pizza, or travel 1400 miles to a place where no one knows you and tell them how much Jesus loves them then leave and have the possibility there that you will never see them again.
Now is when we are in the mission field just as much as when my team and I were in Haiti. Now is when people know my background, people know what my short comings are, people know what I stand for and how I still fall victim to sin. It's now that the real battle begins. If I really sit down and think and am honest about why I want to go back right now, it's because I don't want to face the judgement that will fall upon me as soon as I walk through the doors of work tomorrow. There is a higher standard now of what is expected of me and I don't want the responsibility of living up to that because its hard and because I am weak. The guys I work with know what I have done before the trip, they know how some things are easy for me to fall into, and I am 100% confident that they will try very quickly to get me there again. Making it harder will be the jeers that will come when they use this trip as a guilt thing saying things like, "Well now he has gone to Haiti and doesn't want to do anything now." or something of that nature. My test is not trying to combat that. Christ says in John 15:18 that "if the world hates you, know that it has hated me before you." I can take comfort in that but above all know that no matter what is thrown at me, the Love of Christ and mercy and grace of my God covers all that. It's the decisions I make moving forward that will really be what this trip is all about. I am called to foreign missions, and I know I will be somewhere over seas eventually, but right now I am in a mission field. Right now is the best chance my team and I will have to show the love of Christ. We are in a country where we love the food, we are not battling heat, we are not having to fight a language barrier, and we know how to approach those that are closest to us.
I keep repeating a verse over and over in my head to remind myself not to get so caught up about when I am getting back to Haiti or when I am finally going to be on the mission field over seas. Matthew 6:34 reminds me that there are going to be enough trouble and things to worry about in the next 24 hours that I have no time to dwell on tomorrow. I can do that in the morning, right now I need to focus on what is in front of me, be it children that I love in Haiti or co workers that get on my nerves at the office. At the end of Matthew Jesus tells us all what we are supposed to do as Christians saying, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Our call as Christians is to be a missionary where we are. My prayer for my team and I is that we don't get so caught up in wanting to go back or remembering what happened and what we were able to be a part of so much that we miss opportunities to have and share that EXACT same joy here in Knoxville or Nashville or Maryville or Sevierville or where ever we may be. My hope is that the bonds that were formed over the last 5 days will be lasting and not fleeting, so that when one of us becomes tired, the other 21 will build them up and give them the push they need to look to Jesus to give them the strength to carry on, knowing that whether in this life or in the next they will see Fabi, Love Dina, Kervin, Dernise, MacKene, Francis, or whoever the child was that they loved on for three days was again. Not only will they see them but it will be just like stepping off the bus again except infinitely better. I hope my team and I can hold fast to the everlasting hope we have in a Savior that covers all transgressions if we just ask and believe. I hope that we continue on now that we are back with the same love and focus here as we had in Haiti, and I pray that no matter what we remember this past weekend for reasons that go far beyond how cute the kids were. God truly is raising a generation that is going to do great things, and it isn't just the one that left from Knoxville on Friday.
