Saturdays in the Fall - Southern Cal vs. Arizona St

I am 97% certain that if you are reading this blog you hate Lane Kiffin. I don't mean that type of hate where you aren't a fan of cole slaw on your BBQ pulled pork sandwich hate. I mean that kind of hate where you would sacrifice your own vehicle because the person that just passed you doing 104 mph while texting cut you off and decided it was time to slow it down to 35 while there is now two semi trucks on each side of you so you can't pass type of hate. For this reason I decided the Southern Cal versus Arizona State game in Tempe would be the perfect game to document since Tennessee was off this week. I blamed Lane Kiffin for the 10:15 EST kickoff time instead of the time zone difference. They could have kicked off at noon and made this easier on everyone. Kiffin deserves that hellish time slot anyway. It's a little known fact that Kiffin caused that Tsunami in Japan. Remember, "USC is a very powerful place." and can keep stuff like that on the down low. Regardless I pulled up the game on ESPN3.com. I watched it online because I didn't want to help the ratings of the game. I'm not sure if internet viewers count, but I'm working under the assumption that they don't. If someone knows differently please tell me. Kickoff finally rolled around and away we went.

1st Quarter

Forth play from scrimmage, Arizona St tailback Marshall scampers 70 yards for a touchdown. The shocker symbol appears no less than 80 times in the student section. Arizona State has to be the most perverted student body in the nation and that's saying something. They say the hand gesture is a trident. . . but we know.

Someone please tell me how in the world that is a trident. Honestly.

My God what a hit. Sun Devil receiver Jamal Miles caught a pass out in the flat and took off down the sidelines. USC safety TJ McDonald punished him with a brutal hit. Miles' feet flew out from under him. Sure it was an illegal hit, whatever, I bet Miles will think twice when getting into McDonald's territory next time.

Que the dust storm. A 50 mph wind appears out of no where basically making it impossible to throw the ball. All of a sudden this game is taking part in a land fill with trash flying everywhere.

2nd Quarter

Great catch for a touchdown by Gerrell Robinson for Arizona State. Ball was on his outside shoulder and he made a play against pass interference to make the play. 14-3 Sun Devils and I am very happy to be watching Lane Kiffin get what is his.

I love that at the beginning of the game the commentators are all but drooling over Matt Barkley. Barkley throws interception. Barkley is now a quarterback who has been struggling as of late. Sun Devils drive quick and score again. 21-6 Arizona State. Halftime score is 21-9, things are looking good.

3rd Quarter

Struggling to stay awake. I hate the PAC-12.

Obviously this Oregon St. player is from the East Coast. This was the 2nd quarter of a game that kicked off at 3pm PST, which is about 1am EST.

USC finally puts a ball in the endzone. Barkley finds Marqise Lee who makes a pretty good diving catch for the score. 21-16 now. Every time USC scores somewhere a kitten dies.

Tyler Marc scampers into the endzone for a touchdown to put USC up 22-21, goes for 2 and doesn't convert. I instantly question humanity. If things were right in the world USC would not be leading.

Humanity is restored. Arizona State drives down the field and scores on a short run by Marshall and Arizona State leads again 28-22.

4th Quarter

USC gets it into the red zone then fumbles after Barkley waits too long trying to pass. Arizona State hasn't beaten USC in 11 years and the one time in that span that I decide to watch the game, with 10 minutes left, they are in a great position to do just that.

Arizona State recovers a fumble and then Marshall takes it into the endzone to make it a two score ball game. On the two point try receiver Mike Willie made an unbelievable one handed grab while the USC defender was flagged for interference. Lane Kiffin was arguing the ball was uncatchable. I'm no genius but I felt as though this argument was void seeing as how Willie did in fact make the catch. Arizona State got to retry the conversion attempt since Willie was just out of bounds when he made the catch and they converted on an end around. 36-22 Sun Devils.

Pick six. Shelly Lyons jumps on an errant Matt Barkley throw and takes it to the house. I couldn't be more happy right now. 43-22 Sun Devils.

Remember that time Troy fell back in 1184 BC? I don't believe that was as painful to watch as what is going on in Tempe right now.

This is what the Sun Devils took to the stadium. . . Troy never stood a chance.

Time expires. Sun Devils win 43-22. I am SO glad I stayed up to watch this game. Arizona State was on a mission tonight. That mission was to use and abuse Lane Kiffin. Mission accomplished.

Saturdays in the Fall - Tennessee vs. Florida

The entire week leading up to the game in The Swamp I had been trying to temper my expectations, but the closer the game got, the more excited I became because I realize how hard it is to cover just one great receiver. When you throw a receiver into the mix who is arguably one of the best if not the best in the country, pair him with another very talented receiver, it makes one pass offense that is near impossible to defend. When you have that, it really opens up your running game so I knew Tennessee had a very good chance to end the six game skid against the Gators.

I had a couple of friends over to watch the game and had a miscue early while ordering the pizzas. I thought that one of them asked for a pineapple and ham pizza when what he basically said was, "Don't get that." It was ok though, we are a veteran bunch and would be able to power through this early mistake. Florida got the ball to start the half, and I think the play scripting was something like this: Screen right, screen right, run middle, pass left, stuffed, stuffed, pass to a wide open Trey Burton for a touchdown. It was fine though, no worries, we knew that Tennessee's explosive offense would respond. The Vols opened up with a nice run from Poole, then a few plays later Bray hit an open Justin Hunter. When Hunter turned up field, the Volunteers season changed dramatically. From all indications Hunter tore his ACL and will now be out for the remainder of the season.

I threw up a little in my mouth as soon as I saw the kid hit the ground.

From that point on it was obvious that Tennessee was a wounded duck. When you are able to bracket Da'Rick Rogers on the edge and put what seemed like the other 9 guys in the box to stop the run there isn't really much that an offense can do. Tennessee probably should have just packed it up and came back to Knoxville right then. Kentucky's offense was even shaking it's head at Tennessee's inability to move the ball up field. The first punt of the game didn't make anything any better either. Parlady took the snap and I am pretty sure Chris Rainey was disguised as the upback with how fast he got back in to block the punt. Justin Wilcox and the defense couldn't have played much better in the first half with the situations they were put in. If there was ever any question if his system would work in the SEC, I think its obvious it will, and we will be lucky if we are able to keep him around.

If it wasn't Rainey, it was going to be one of the other 10 guys that bust through the line like a jailbreak.

Florida was only able to muster a few field goals and on their final drive of the half, Tennessee abandoned the running game, and on a play where Florida had a 0 blitz on (for you that play NCAA 12 it would be Engage 8) Bray found Marlin Lane wide open and Tennessee SOMEHOW was able to get into the half only trailing 16-7. This is a manageable score. Especially since Tennessee got the ball to start the second half. They could score to make it 16-14, and then we would be on our way to picking up the win. God obviously just didn't want Tennessee to win however. That is the only way you can explain all that went wrong. Bray made his first big mistake and threw an interception to start the second half. Florida scored a touchdown shortly after that. Tennessee of course couldn't do anything on offense and then Brantley gave Verne Lundquist a reason to drool. That reason was a 3 yard lob pass to Chris Rainey who went another 80 yards for a touchdown.

Dooley put it best, "It looked like Rainey was out there running in the Olympics." I'm sure the only other person to see him run like that was his ex-girlfriend.

The young Tennessee team did show some incredible resiliency battling back after being down 30-7. Da'Rick Rogers caught a 12 yard touchdown pass from Bray but a two point conversion was no good after. Mychal Rivera also caught a touchdown pass. Trailing by 10 late in the forth however, Bray threw his second pick of the game and Florida was able to run out the clock.

There is obvious improvement with this football team. But there is also an obvious gap that needs to be closed between the Vols and other elite teams in the conference. What is encouraging though is that you can see that gap closing. While it would have been nice to have beaten the Gators yesterday, I think it is important to note that this team is better than last year and probably better than any Tennessee team in the last few years. The fact that it is made up of a ton of young players is also very encouraging. The loss of Hunter though is huge. Prior to the season I thought this team would be able to go 8-4. Now it's looking more like 7-5. With Hunter I have no doubt in my mind that the Vols beat the Gators Saturday. Without Hunter, I wonder what big time opponent left on the Vols schedule will be beatable. Only time will tell.

Saturdays In The Fall - Cincinnati vs. Tennessee

It would be extremely hard to beat how beautiful it was to start the day Saturday. Of course I got to spend the morning working but I was still excited about the game. It seemed like everyone that walked into the office was heading to tailgate which got me even more amped because that meant the crowd would be bigger than last week. We had to go and pick up some cars at the airport after we closed and I discovered where the Cincinnati team stayed. The Hyatt at the airport. It was information that would have been great to have known on Friday but what's done is done.

I checked the weather report this week before heading to the stadium. High of 85, sunny with only a few clouds, 10% chance of rain. With this knowledge now at my disposal, I grabbed a backpack and stuffed it full of Ziploc bags, Rain jacket and pants, towels, and a blow up dingy. I wasn't going to get fooled again.

I got to the stadium a bit late and basically just had to go straight to the stadium. Unable to meet up with any of my com padres who were in the student section, I ended up sitting with my dad for the first half. After Cincinnati broke off a 65 yard game to open up the scoring I started worrying that this would be a "whoever has the ball last will win" type of game. While I was happy with Marlin Lane scoring a touchdown on the ensuing Tennessee drive, it did little to make me think any different. Dooley really let them hang on the kickoff though when he called for the onside kick which led to a Justin Hunter touchdown reception. Cincy scored on their ensuing drive however and there we were again at 14-14.

If you want to beat Florida, just have 9 guys protect Bray, and send this guy on a Go route.

Tennessee started to really impress me when the defense stepped up and didn't allow another Cincinnati score until about seven minutes left in the third quarter while in the mean time scoring two more touchdowns in the second quarter, both to Da'Rick Rogers, and then another one to start the third quarter when Tyler Bray called his own number on a quarterback sneak. Bray looked like Joe Montana all day. His final stat line was amazing. He was 34 of 41 for 405 yards and 4 touchdowns. He accounted for 5 total touchdowns for the Vols. Over two games he has completed 78% of his passes.

2 weeks into the season and I'm comfortable in saying that this young man is going to be in New York City in December.

At this point I fully expect Tennessee to win every game by 30 points or more, and anything less than a National Championship would be a disappointment. I know next week will be a true test. Florida has one of the most talented teams in the country. They are ranked #16 in the polls and have a lengthy streak of wins against us. However, with the new coaching staff in Gainesville and the momentum that we have going, this could be the year that Tennessee gets past the Gators. Viewing party at my apartment for those interested. I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about around 8pm. Go Vols!

Saturdays In The Fall - Montana vs. Tennessee

This year I thought I might step my game up a little bit and try my hand at blogging every Tennessee game instead of every high school football game. Plus I feel like it will reach a bigger audience. What better way to start of the college football season than with a game against one of the best D-2 teams in the country in Montana. I hadn't been this stoked for a game since who knows when. Of course I am being sarcastic, it was Montana. Either way it's a good way to get my feet wet. Literally.

I had to work until twelve Saturday so I decided to wear my UT polo to the office. My boss walked in and immediately asked me what kind of shirt I was wearing. I responded with the obvious answer, "A Tennessee polo." He inquired as to whether or not I was allowed to wear this shirt and after I responded with "I don't know" he informed me I couldn't. HOLD ON PLAYA!! IT'S GAME DAY ON ROCKY TOP!!! I AM GOING TO WEAR MY ORANGE!!!

After making my way to campus, I met up with some friends with whom I had decided to sneak into the student section with. After sitting in the blazing sun for over two hours watching the band march and then waiting for the game to start, just as the band finished the National Anthem, the game was delayed an hour and forty minutes. I was incredibly amazed at how quickly it went from being 102 degrees outside at 5:30pm to a complete monsoon at 6:00pm. I immediately began to worry about the future of my phone which was getting soaked in my pocket.

According to the person at Apple, water to a phone is like cancer to a human. If that's the case is this monsoon like walking straight through a nuclear reactor butt naked???

After pulling some McGyver skills out of my back pocket, slitting a seat cushion open and throwing my phone in there for protection, it was time to actually start this game against a sub par team. I was a bit worried when Tennessee had to use a trick play to score their first touchdown. I had made fun of Auburn earlier in the day for having to use a trick play to score against Utah State. I hadn't learned my lesson about taunting something with the hail storm in April. I feel like my brother text me to remind me of that taunt to Auburn before Da'Rick Rogers had even crossed the goal line off the flea flicker.

I would like to take credit for the play call on the second touchdown. I told my friends what they should do is just have 9 guys block and send Justin Hunter on a get open. Sure enough Bray stepped back and hit Hunter on a post route for an huge touchdown pass. After that it was Marlon Lane's turn, then Art "Burnt Toast" Evans surprised me by actually not getting torched but getting an interception. I nearly passed out when he crossed the goal line. Poole scored and so the game went. Sure Montana got a safety and scored a couple of touchdowns but overall Tennessee absolutely dominated. I'll put more effort into the recap of the game next week seeing as how an actual football team will be in the stadium.

Dooley: Good game guy
Montana Coach: Not only did you whip us, but you did it wearing those pants. Touche!

Right Wing Extremism

I have encountered many different people in my time at my new job. I have been cussed out, yelled at, and treated like I am one of the dumbest persons on the face of the earth. Nothing however has made me feel the way I did a few Saturdays ago. We had a couple in the office who were of Cuban nationality. While this couple was renting the car, another woman came in to return one. Out of the blue she decided to ask what country the Cuban couple was from. Just to keep things simple from this point on, we will call the returning lady Laura, and the Cuban couple Hugo and Dominga. Dominga answered Laura, with only a hint of a Cuban accent, "I am from America." Laura responded in an extremely condescending tone, "Oh really, that's great, are you here on a visa or are you a U.S. citizen?" Dominga decided not to answer so Hugo cut in and answered for her saying, "She is a U.S. citizen. She has lived here 42 years. I have been here 18 but am also a U.S. citizen." Laura, looking very interested replied, "That's great, so are things here in America very different than things in you're country?"

I was very impressed with how calm the Cuban couple stayed, not putting on like the questioning really bothering them. Honestly though I felt like Laura's next question was going to be asking them if they came to this country on a real boat or if they just strapped pontoons made of trash bags to a Ford F150 and floated it from Cuba to Key West. Some how this lady went from interrogating this poor couple to telling them they should think about purchasing food insurance because it was coming. After the Cuban couple left the office, Laura turned her attention to telling me how to live my life.

She started spouting off about how Obama was just a puppet and did whatever they told him to do. I never was made aware of who "they" were but they were the ones calling the shots. Laura told me to pay off all my credit cards and think seriously about buying food insurance. I told her I only had one credit card and I paid it off every month. I also told her I went and bought food at the grocery store every single week and bought food. Upon hearing this you would have thought I had just found a cure for cancer. She thought I was the smartest person alive and she told me about how her mom and her were actually heading to Sam's after they left so they could stock up on food. I immediately imagined her with a ton of food surrounding her and her unfortunate family in a bunker 15 ft under ground with Palin '12 posters all over the wall, just waiting for the day "they" pull the trigger on their plan to take over the world. People never cease to amaze me.

Finally In The Real World

It's been almost half a year since my last adventure and much has changed. I now work with one of the countries largest car rental companies and couldn't love it any more. While the hours are long, the pay is good and I am now able to pay for our national government to really screw things up. Working with this company also allows me to meet some really incredible people. I have a load of stories about the things I have seen, some of the people I have met, and different people that I work with. I have decided that I am going to use this blog to tell some of my stories and hopefully you'll be able to enjoy them just as much as me.

It was hard to decide what story to start with, but after a lot of thought I have picked the one that I think best represents my first three weeks on the job. It happened about a week ago. My mother and brother had come to meet me for lunch. Just as they walked in a customer and her son walked in to exchange a Ford Mustang for something "more comfortable." Before I go any further I think I should let you know that while we will work with a customer to get them the vehicle they want, we can not always guarantee a particular make. When someone wants to rent a car one way we give them the most expensive car for us to have on our lot. This isn't to say that we charge them more, just that we have to pay the depreciation for cars that aren't being rented. For example, if we have the choice to give you a full size Prius for $50 a day or a full size Camry for $50 a day, we will give you the Prius simply because the hybrids cost more to us. Any who, this woman looked like she had taken one too many botox injections. The best way I can explain it is that this woman's face made Michael Jackson look completely healthy. She walked in, slapped the keys on the counter, and basically demanded that I give her a Camry because according to her, "That Mustang is too fast and it sits too low. It's basically a sports car." My response was as follows: "Yes. . . and???" I mean really, It's a Mustang, the car that basically gave birth to sports cars.

We happened to have a Prius on the lot, so I took her out to it and asked if it would be ok. She said she didn't know how to drive one. I myself have never been in a Prius, but I figure if a doped up Janzen Jackson and Nu'Keese Richardson know how to drive one, then this crazy lady could figure it out. However it wasn't going to happen. She was dead set on getting a Camry. When I finally explained that we didn't have a Camry, and she understood it wasn't going to break her way on this issue, she asked what I was going to do for her. I told her she could either continue driving the Mustang or she could wait thirty minutes and I could get her a Ford Escape. She decided she would be able to wait and asked if they could eat while I went to get the Escape ready. I told her if she was hungry, then yes, I would suggest they eat. Other than that I couldn't care less what they did.

Now during this whole escapade, my mother and brother had to leave to go look at apartments because my mom had to be back in Clinton by 5 and it was already 3:15. I had yet to eat lunch and as I was walking out the door, the botox belle stated that they hadn't eaten since breakfast at 10am that morning. I told her I hadn't eaten yet either, and I had had breakfast at 6:30am. Nothing gets on my nerves more than when people who have nothing to complain about complain. When I returned with her Escape 30 minutes later she asked if I could load her bags for her. After resisting the urge to straight up back hand her, I politely declined telling her I had to get back to work in the office. I handed her the keys, strolled inside, and quickly washed my hands hoping I didn't get any sort of toxin on me.

There are plenty more stories, most are better than this one but I thought this would be a good way to ease back into the whole blogging deal. One of the tales I really want to share is actually still developing so stay tuned.

Music City Mayhem

I was lucky enough to get a ticket and be able to travel to Nashville with my friend Troy to the Music City Bowl. I knew we had some pretty great seats, would be staying with a really good friend for free, and that Tennessee would have a really good shot at winning. On our way to Nashville Troy told me we would need to meet his sister in Lebanon at some point to give her something from his parents. I thought it might be easier to meet her on the way back so we drove straight into downtown where we looked for a place to park. We pulled into the first lot we saw was public and were informed that it would cost $20. Troy thought he saw $5 parking across the street so we left the lot we were in to park there. Unfortunately that lot was full, but alas there was a lot just a block further down the street with a sign reading "All day parking, $6" filling us with joy. I pulled into the lot and almost immediately a man ran up to me and informed me that it would cost $20 to park there.

Downtown there was a pep rally where the two marching band and cheer squads were doing their thing. I knew there was going to be a lot of Tennessee fans at this game. I just didn't know it would be this many. We were downtown for nearly four hours prior to going to the stadium, and I could count on one hand the number of North Carolina fans I saw walking the streets. Downtown Nashville looked a whole lot like Cumberland Ave. on game day in Knoxville.

Finding a North Carolina fan in this crowd was like finding Carmen San Diego.

The Vol Walk was at LP Field at 3:15 so we made our way to the stadium to watch Dudley Doolander lead the team into the coliseum before we made our way to our seats. Not too long into the game Troy pointed out to me that there was a little person sitting in front of us. At the time everyone was standing up so I thought it would be easy to spot this person. When I couldn't I asked for clarification as to their location and Troy pointed out that he was standing on his seat to see. While I took a picture of this, I don't feel like it would be appropriate to post on here. Let me assure you though, it was one of the funniest things I have seen in some time. Everyone knows how this game went so I wont go over the game itself, except for the last play of the game, which as we know was the North Carolina quarter back spiking the ball as time expired giving Tennessee the 20-17 win.

Here is proof that Tennessee won the game. CASE CLOSED.

While we were waiting for the officials to confirm they were about to screw us over, LP Field turned into a landfill. All sorts of trash was hurled onto the field from all directions. A referee was pegged with a full water bottle, and rightfully so. As the North Carolina field goal sailed through the uprights to tie the game, a ball boy who looked not a day older than 8 began to run down the sideline toward what was obviously the Tennessee student section grabbing himself in an inappropriate manner. This caused what I believe is the most middle fingers going into the air at one time ever to occur. It was truly an amazing sight. Unfortunately Tennessee lost, causing about 40,000 drunk and angry individuals to trickle out of the stadium and into downtown Nashville. We had planned to go eat but thought it to be wiser to just grab Taco Bell and head to Andy's as to not get caught up in some bar brawl between one of the 13 Tar Heel fans and 100 drunken angry Vol fans.

I thought maybe a good nights rest would make me less angry, but I still felt like I had been kicked in the groin by Daniel Lincoln while he was aiming for my head. We still had to meet Troy's sister in Lebanon before getting back to Knoxville in time to go to the basketball game at 2pm so we headed out early from Hendersonville. When we got to Lebanon, Troy realized he left the papers he needed to give to his sister in Hendersonville, so we got to make that drive twice. This put us about an hour and a half behind schedule once we were finally on the road back to Knoxville. I think I made record time getting back. The game tipped off right as we were passing Cookeville and halftime was beginning when I was getting onto Alcoa Hwy. I was feeling good about the chances of us making for the entire second half, right up until I ran over a curb inside of a mile from the arena, blowing both of my driver side tires. We didn't make it to see the College of Charleston beat Tennessee. Instead we got to be towed to Firestone tire on Kingston Pike and get two new tires put on my truck. That's how my 2010 ended. This year has to be better.

No patching that up.